Some Limericks

A Selection of Limericks     P.J. Murphy

"NUTS"
======

The squirrel's an odd little chappie
He's normally placid and happy
But, no if's and but's
Put your hand on his nuts
And he'll riddle your ass pretty snappy

He's usually spotted in trees
Which he climbs with the greatest of ease
You think he looks cute
'Till he takes aim to shoot
And you suddenly find you've no knees

A stroll in the woods can be pleasant
Watching rabbit and peacock and pheasant
But you really should worry
Get out in a hurry
'Cos the squirrel's attacks are incessant

To conclude, if with woodland you're charmed
I suggest that you should be alarmed
Though you feel no foreboding
The bugger's reloading
Watch out - those damn squirrels are armed!


LIMERICK JUNCTION
=================

I knew a girl from Tipperary
Who's legs were incredibly hairy
The hairs grew in size
from her toes to her thighs
After that, it was just bloody scary...

WHERE'S FIFI?
============

















A corpulant woman from Delhi
Had a body that quivered like jelly
From her couch she stood up
And her poor little pup
Had got lost in the folds of her belly

A lady who hailed from Madras
Was a really voluptuous lass
She's searched for her pet
But with no success yet
'Cause he's wedged in the crack of her ass

A voluptuous girl from Kirkut
was distraught at the loss of her mutt
Her search was in vain
The poor dog was in pain
He was trapped in the cleft of her butt

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note: This was an entry for an AllPoetry contest, where the image was the contest prompt, and won the Gold Trophy for First Place in the contest

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




POT NOODLE
==========
I once fed the family poodle
With some leftover stale apple strudel
The dog promptly shat
and the texture of that
Was exactly like Chicken Pot Noodle....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~



DES MOINES
==========

I hope you'll enjoy this short ditty
Of a girl who was potless but pretty
She does end up rich
From becoming a bitch
Which was really a terrible pity

The tale's of a girl from Des Moines
Who hadn't a note or a coin
She took to the streets
Meeting sailors from fleets
And now her bank balance is 'foine'

With her ill-gotten gains she felt plucky
so she bought a stud farm in Kentucky
The horses, she reckoned
would come first, or second
- and she'd still get a ride, if she's lucky.....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

S'NO JOKE...

==========
















It may have been foolish to go
Mow the lawn in a downpour of snow
As well as the grass
I cut half of my ass,
An elbow, two shins and a toe

~~~~~~~~~~


TIMING?
=======

I'm really obsessed about rhyming
Writing words that are pealing and chiming
So a ditty like this
Is a real piece-of-piss
.. so long as I stay completely focussed and concentrate on my timing.......


~

Raw Talent

========

I gave it my very best shot

- got all of the stuff in the pot.

Peppered and salted it

It's not my fault that

the cooking's the bit I forgot...

Ides of March

Languished in imperial robe,
with precious amethyst trimmed,
hands clap impatiently
for Nubian slave to pamper them
with plump Etruscan grapes,
blood-red wine,
figs and pomegranates

The two, in regal lavender attired,
lips now stained crimson,
reminisce as soldiers.
Proud victories in Gaul
and triumph over Pharsalus.

A rendezvous agreed
in Pompey's theatre,
one rises, gives salute,
prepares to leave

Unconsciously, his hand
slips toward his scabbard,
his thoughts to future glory;
nobility and riches
when the deed is done.

On his left temple
A single vein throbs,
Purple

P.J. Murphy
(c) P.J. Murphy 2005

Note: This was an entry for one of a series of Allpoetry.com contests with colour themes, this one being 'Purple' 

Julies Caesar was murdered on the 15th March (The Ides of March) by his friend Brutus and others. This piece depicts Brutus' final meeting with Caesar, sharing his friendship and wine, but with treachery and murder in his heart


 

Quietude

dusky
descendants
of quixotic
mutineers

perform
practiced
perfected
polynesian dance

erotic

on soft
Tahitian sand

my hands
drip with dregs
of spilt exotic
citrus

sundried
by lustrous lagoon
insidious
hynotic tune
and rhythm
consume

dancers,
semiclad,
gyrate,

waves lap...


shrill
shriek

shatters
mood of
quietude

Rude
awakening

Rainy
Irish
Monday...

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

www.guitarsongs.info pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com  

Cleansed

I came to wash away my woe
in the grand and glorious Ganges.
Your wise and wizened eyes
beheld me, held me transfixed
betwixt my anguish and your calm.

The balm of cooling currents
easing dark, troubled soul,
soothing dried, tired skin.
A kinship unforeseen, furnished
from burnished ivory, liquid gaze

The ways of Gods are mystery.
Our histories for centuries entwined -
I find soft succour in your presence,
your essence nourishing, uplifting.
No longer drifting; I am cleansed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was written for an Allpoetry Contest "Amazing Race - Round 2 (Picture theme)"

www.guitarsongs.info
pjmurpjmurphypoems.blogspot.com
 

5am Semi-conscious Burlesque

The Gladiator righteously professes my disdain
Episcopal aloof both sacriligeous and profane
With serpentine precision searing hollow in my brain
Sorrow is sublime, but uneventful

Valentino and his mistresses flamboyantly carouse
With Freudian abandon bring Narcissus to their house
While Cleopatra makes a move on Oedipus' spouse
Plato is suspicious and resentful

Geronimo commands his tribe to dance and pray for rain
Noah shrugs his shoulders and prepares the Ark again
Maupassant protests that he is really not insane
P.T. Barnum just makes sure he has his tent full.


https://pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Moonstruck

Moonstruck     P.J. Murphy

Okay, I appreciate that you've

been always there for me
through each long tortuous,
restless, sleepless night

And brightened up the gloom
each time I broke down when
some floozy made my fickle
foolish fragile heart a mess

And yes, 'twas you who kept me
company when no other friends
were there to offer comfort
in my deepest darkest night

But, right now I just feel
That I can't furnish any answers
to your sad fixation with this
fiery, feisty object of your lust

I must point out to you, in fact
that you have chased this hot
and haughty goddess, with no ray of hope
for thousands of millenia now

And how much longer, my pale friend
Can you sail sadly through the night
hoping for a glimpse or sight of she
who always dodges you till dawn?

And ~yawn~ you know it's really late
I don't feel great and need my sleep
I'd love to keep you company but
We both know she'll hide until you're gone

Just one last piece of genuine advice
- there are millions out there who
are twice as nice, and like to hang around
with you, I've even seen them swoon...

So goodnight moon, aw - please don't cry
There's plenty more stars in the sky...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was written for an Allpoetry Contest "Goodnight Moon",  

 www.guitarsongs.info pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Treasure

              Treasure        P. J. Murphy

I will place your hand

In his hand,

Step back

To my place of pride,

Hear you proclaim

Those age-old promises

And watch

My baby girl

Become a Bride.

I will shed a tear

For all the days

We laughed and played,

And the nights

I sang your lullabies.

For the myriad memories

Of who we were,

And who we will

Always be.

Daughter. Father.

I will hold your heart

In my heart

While I bless your love,

Your new adventures,

And smile

My happiness for

Your happiness,

And my privilege

To be always in your life

I will not 'give you away'

You own your destiny,

I will proudly escort

A vibrant young woman

Of matchless strength and beauty

As you go forth to claim your world.

And I will keep you safe

In that hallowed place

Where a Father keeps his treasures.

Steerage

 

Steerage      P. J. Murphy

Sailing seas of sideroad sedge

Far from vast tarry ocean

Avast ye denizens of hedge

Beware this cyclic motion

I steer my vessel on it's course

( with checks to port and starboard )

Yell at the sea-cows, till I'm hoarse

This boat must reach it's harbour

Full steam ahead, the coast is clear

All Doldrums navigated

The boat's bell sounds for all to hear

The Captain is awaited.

Now journey's ended, clipper docked

Captain disembarking

Another pleasant voyage clocked,

No pile-ups, tolls or parking...

Praefectus Iudaeorum

He troubles me, this Nazarene,
His humble words do not accord
with anarchy or insurrection
yet these others call him Lord.

He speaks no hate for Caesar's Rome,
Yet Jews would have me crucify
This man who's calm serenity
Does Judas' calumny belie

Were't not for the Sanhedrin's ire
My Prefecture would stay it's hand
and send this strange but gentle man
to exile in Judaic land

But yet they bay and thirst for blood
"He Blashphemeth", rabble cries
These Jews hold no respect for Rome
Their hatred for Him mystifies

I thought their anger would appease
Once I had sent Him to be scourged
But with His bloody body shown
"He must be crucified" they urged.

I think myself a humane man
I view their bloodlust with distaste
I wash my hands of local laws
But bitterly decry this waste ...

~ ~ ~

And now my days are numbered short
I wander, and my eyes grow dim
I pray to Pluto, as I should ...
And yet my thoughts are fixed on Him

~ ~ ~


This was written for an AllPoetry contest "Close Encounters with Jesus",  where the task was to write a rhyming poem in the first person from the perspective of someone who met Jesus, giving their feelings and reactions to the meeting, and to the situation. It won Silver for second placing.

Indigo Child

Indigo Child             P. J. Murphy

As the transient Age of Violet ends
Indigo child (she has no friends) is seen to be
just wild (ADHD.), tempestuous, stubborn.

She has beautiful clear purple-pea eyes

is sensitive (she cries) but self-assured
creative (that can be cured) but undisciplined
has a mission ( we have our suspicion) and a purpose
she knows but will not share with us

(she doesn't care) where she is going
Self-empowered, psychic, ethereal,
( she doesn't feel ) unaffectionate,
dodges hugs ( is she on drugs? )

She won't conform, she hates routine
( she's just being mean ) and sees the better way
She waits ( I think she hates us ) patiently
For the Age of Indigo.



P.J. Murphy
(c) P.J. Murphy 2005

Note: This was an entry for one of a series of Allpoetry.com contests with colour themes, this one being 'Indigo'  


pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Aurora Corporalis

Aurora Corporis           P. J. Murphy

bursts of
flame's glory
in moments
before
ember fades
and dies



exhausted;
exothermic
energy
explodes -

Magdala Red
and
Magnesium
Orange -



the colours
of a soul

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was submitted to an Allpoetry Contest "Prewrite Party".

www.guitarsongs.info
pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com
 

Amber

Amber             P.J. Murphy

Arboreal sap oozes lazily; 

Embroiled in glutinous trap, 

unwary arachnid 

freeze-frames an ecosystem 

long ago erased 

Information 

imprisoned 

in resin 

intact; 

Fast-forward through millenia: 

Primeval life-secrets revealed 

as learned spider-men gaze 

through translucent windows 

of amber 

 This was written for an Allpoetry Contest "Dirty Brown", and won the Gold Trophy.

Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty       P.J. Murphy

In the sorrow of your smile
I wandered for a while
wistful, wishful, heart-concealed
in the bitter of your tear
I washed away my fear
flesh and spirit nakedly revealed

To the silver of your speech
I listen, as you teach
wisdom pouring from your honey-lip
in the comfort of your breast
I lay my soul to rest
as deep into oblivion I slip

From the golden of the dawn
is your sleeping beauty drawn
the soft perfection of the waking sun
in the amber of your eyes
I find, to my surprise
the joy and sorrow of the world are one

P.J. Murphy

Copyright ©2004 P.J. Murphy

Website: pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Pop!

Pop!         P.J. Murphy

Bobbing among the giggles
Transparent, but with rainbow hues
like sprites they magically appear
and dance misshapen by puffcheek winds

Filling the room with luminescence
and small throats with laughter
dismay at pings of evaporation
replaced with tentative replenishment

reflecting the flickering candles,
and bright and shiny birthday things
restless and impatient to be gone
they wend their way relentlessly

into memories

~~~~~~~~~~~

This was written for an Allpoetry Contest "Where does it go?"
 
pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Undiminished

Undiminished        P. J. Murphy

Her beauty undiminished
tho' she believes it tarnished
by the ravages of time.
Her unquenched spirit a beacon
banishing life's mundanity to shadow,
eyes shining with a childs mirth
twinkled with her impish wisdom.

Lifting me from cynical indecision
To this happy certainty:
that while we journey as one
we are shielded from adversity
by her fearless positivity.
And by her smile.
And all the while
she doesn't realise
her enduring beauty

P.J. Murphy
Copyright ©2003 P.J. Murphy


Website: pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Galileo

Galileo        P. J. Murphy

Gifts of celestial truths
he brings to them,
charts, orbits, trajectories
- order and meaning
to the chaos
that is
the cosmos.

Long years observing,
plotting, deducing,
concluding
re-constructing
God's universe
for those whose eyes
would never see
further than their
misconceptions.

Magisterium,
by way of gratitude
remove freedom,
God-given rights.
Father of Science,
strident follower
of  trails of stars,
now trails strides
between portals
in prison-home

Bereft of confiscated
tools of Science,
nightly seated
by high barred window
intent on Tuscan night sky.
Eyes dart to locate
Sirius, Jupiter, Mars.
Memory telescopes,
repaints the universe
in all of its celestial majesty.


An AllPoetry contest entry, the theme "Telescope"

Galileo Galilei, known as the Father of Science, was a scientist and astronomer, whose theories on heliocentricity ( earth revolving around the Sun, rather than vice versa ) led to his being put under house arrest by Pope Urban VIII .

Return of Oedipus

Return of Oedipus          P.J. Murphy

I gaze upon her from above
draped in aquamarine
her emerald eyes twinkle at me
Closer now, ever closer
Her verdant hue welcoming

My innocence returning
I marvel at her myriad
Shades and shadows,
Seductive woodland nymph
Swathed in leafy garland

Scent of pear and apple,
Wild mint and pine
Recall youthful encounters
in her mossy leafstrewn orchards
and pastoral verdant hills

With outstretched arms
And shamrock garland
She embraces me
My mother, my love
My Ireland

P.J. Murphy
(c) P.J. Murphy 2005

Note: This was an entry for one of a series of Allpoetry.com contests with colour themes, this one being 'Green' 


pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Potter's Field

Rome's Eagle, head of Melqarth
adorn these shekels of Tyre.
The legal price of a slave,
marked for purchase of sacrifice
but handed out for infamy.

Pale argentate moons lie randomly,
scattered in tormented anguish
by perdition's fated son
upon the floor of the temple
whence they treacherously came.

Silvery spring sun detects
metallic glint from halter buckle
swinging from a desolate bough,
reflects the lustre of thirty Tyre shekels
The price of a Potters field grave.

P.J. Murphy
(c) P.J. Murphy 2005

( The 30 pieces of silver offered to Judas for his betrayal was significantly the purchase price of a slave. A despairing Judas threw back the shekels before hanging himself with a halter - the coins were subsequently used to purchase him a Potters Field grave )

Note: This was an entry for one of a series of Allpoetry.com contests with colour themes, this one being 'Silver' 


pjmurphypoems.blogspot.com

Sink or Swim? ( a Piscean fish tale )

I swim simultaneously
in both directions
a synchronized confusion
at once clear-thinking
and muddle-headed

It works.
Most of the time.

Thoughtlessness and compassion
compete, I feel deeply for those
less well off than I,
but have to force myself to remember
to actually do something

My love of music drives me (crazy...),
my laziness ensures mediocrity, at best
I strum and sing
And promise myself
I will learn the harder things.

Tomorrow.
Next week, at the latest.

My fertile imagination -
a breeding ground for grand ideas
which scuttle off of the page.
- once I've finally
found a pen.

Indecision my Nemesis.
So many great ideas
for things to make
friends and family happy.
Or would they?

But for my acceptance
of who I am
and who I'll never be
I would stop swimming
altogether.

And sink.
To the bottom.


This was another AllPoetry contest entry, one of a series of Astrological themes, this one being obviously "Pisces".

Who Are You?

You, you who wage this war
spatter children in the rubble
piss on your conquered enemy
torture and humiliate your captives
speak lightly of 'collateral damage'
while pieces of families
are fumbled from crumbled concrete
Consider this.

You are an accident of your birth.
It caused your allegiance to your country,
to the fundamentalism of your religion,
to a taught hatred of an enemy
whose birthright is also accidental
who hates and wants to kill you
because of where you live
and the God you believe in.

Strip away your flag.
Remove your pious garb.
Forget for a moment
Your ancestral dead.

Who
Are
You?